So grab a #2 pencil and get ready for...
THE ALL-NEW ALL-TRUE COMPLETELY FOOLPROOF PEOPLE PERSONALITY TEST
QUESTION #1: When going through a door, do you...
A) Open the door, hold it open for the next person, and then walk right on through.
B) Open the door and walk right on through, ignoring whoever's behind you.
C) Open the door, hold it open, wait for everyone nearby to walk on through, look around for anyone else, close the door behind.
D) Slam your hand on the wheelchair symbol to make the door open automatically, watching it smash the face of an oncoming person as you walk through.
QUESTION #2: You decide to take the night off and go to a movie. What do you see?
A) A comedy, maybe an action-adventure.
B) Dramas. Don't forget the kleenex-box.
C) I'll see anything with Pauly Shore! I saw 'Bio-Dome' twenty-three times!
D) Yourself on screen during the documentary about satanic cults and how they tear towns apart.
QUESTION #3: When getting up in the morning, do you...
A) Wake up at 7:00 A.M. and sing merrily in the shower!
B) Look at the time, hit the snooze alarm, roll over, and then get kicked out of bed by your mate.
C) Get up, fall asleep in the shower, go to breakfast, fall face first in your cereal, go outside, fall asleep at the stoplights, go to work/school, snore loudly.
D) Wonder whose house you're at and how you came to be wearing that sailor suit.
QUESTION #4: What is your favorite color?
C) Why pink, of course, it's the same color as my house!
D) Black. All of my clothes are black. My hair is dyed black. I wear black lipstick and listen to The Cure all day. Death is my favorite character from Sandman.
QUESTION #5: You're going to the zoo. Where do you go?
A) Lions, tigers, giraffes, that sort of thing.
B) The reptile house, and ask if they'll let me hold the snakes.
C) To the monkeys and apes so I can gain information to disprove those awful Darwinists! I also have a Jesus Fish on my car.
D) Back to my cage to see if any of my stuff is still there. I say hi to the new tenants.
QUESTION #6: It's dinner time and you're hungry. What do you eat?
A) A hamburger, fries, maybe a soda.
B) A nice lobster or steak dinner, some salad.
C) Definitely a spamwich, they're mmm mmm good!
D) Well, first I have the Hunt. I don an antler helmet and strip down to a loincloth, and then gather my friends around and release an animal in the house. We then proceed to chase it with spears and high-powered rifles, eventually cornering it and gutting it in little Timmy's room. We then stick its head on a pig-pole and dance wildly around the room singing war chants.
QUESTION #7: What is your political affiliation?
C) I, uh, think that Perot is really great, and, uh, has a real chance to win this year! Yeah! Really!
D) I agree with Lyndon H. LaRouche Jr.'s policy to shoot Jane Fonda with a laser beam from space.
QUESTION #8: What section of the newspaper do you read first?
A) The comics or sports page.
B) The front page. News is important.
C) I don't read the newspaper, cuz I get all the information I need from Oprah and Ricki.
D) The obituaries. I like to make sure I'm not listed.
QUESTION #9: You're in a movie theater, drinking your extra-large soda, munching away on artificially-flavored popcorn, when you suddenly have to go to the bathroom. Do you...
A) Get up and move to the bathroom as quickly you can.
B) Hold it in.
C) Hold it in for as long as you can, pressing your knees together, and then finally getting up at the most dramatic moment to clamber past annoyed movie-goers, stepping on toes, finally reaching the bathroom and then not have to go anymore.
D) What do you think those popcorn buckets are for?
QUESTION #10: You're going to a concert. What do you choose?
A) Some rock or rap group. Pearl Jam.
B) Light rock, like Maria Carey.
C) Why, Top 40 of course! Hootie and the Blowfish are the greatest thing since breakfast cereal!
QUESTION #11: What was your response to the O.J. verdict?
A) Anger! He was clearly guilty, damn it!
B) Well, the jury heard the evidence and aquitted him, so what can you do?
C) I sure hope he finds the real killers.
D) Well the thing is, O.J. actually is innocent. What do you mean, how do I know? Uh, no reason.
QUESTION #20: It's the end of the world.
check it with the column below.
MOSTLY A'S: You are possibly quite optimistic, decisive, outgoing, forward or friendly. You believe that 'he who hesitates is lost.'
MOSTLY B'S: You are possibly very serious, pessimistic, careful, intelligent or quiet. A 'look before you leap' kind of person.
MOSTLY C'S: You are stupid, boring, indecisive, a conformist, naive and extremely pathetic. You have absolutely no chance of succeeding in life, and frankly, deserve to be taken out and shot. I wouldn't mind you so much if you weren't 90% of Irvine.
MOSTLY D'S: You're a frickin' freak! You're a complete deviant and weirdo! Welcome to the club! We hold meetings on Thursdays.